walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
