just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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