Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dear god my vagina.
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