I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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