Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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