Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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