Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
