Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
