He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
