So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
