Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
