So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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