while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
