So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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