he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
