his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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