I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize