It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
