we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
