well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
