You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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