All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
