I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
