I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
