She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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