I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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