you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love having hate sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
