i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
