I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
