I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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