you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
