youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
