I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
