cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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