It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
