Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
