I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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