dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
