dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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