I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
