If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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