Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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