She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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