So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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