shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
