I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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