It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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