Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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