The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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