i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
