He asked me if I "almost moaned"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
