Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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