i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
