woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
