his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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