well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
