I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
