Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
