i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
