I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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