You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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