Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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