I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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