Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
