I can tuck mytits in my pants
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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